Charles Schulz Philosophy.
This has been around before. Worth revisiting.
Schulz Philosophy
(This is marvelous!! Scroll thru slowly
and read carefully to receive and enjoy
full effect)
The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz,
the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip.
You don't have to actually answer the questions.
Just ponder on them.
Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll
get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America
pageant.
4 Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer
Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners
for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
=
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of
yesterday..
These are no second-rate achievers. They are the
best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish.
Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
=
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey
through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a
difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something
worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel
appreciated and special!!
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
=
Easier?
The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not
the ones with the most credentials.. the most
money...or the most awards. They simply are the ones
who care the most.
=
Pass this on to those people who have made a
difference in your life, like I did.
'Don't worry about the world coming to an end
today.. It's already tomorrow in Australia !'
=
*''Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!"
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Put the glass down..
Study this small story; Hope that makes a BIG change
Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students
"How much do you think this glass weighs?"
'50gms!' ..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.
"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is:
What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"
'Nothing' ..the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student
"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"
"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!"
.. ventured another student & all the students laughed
"Very good.
But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?"
asked the professor.
'No'. Was the answer.
"Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?"
The students were puzzled.
"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again.
"Put the glass down!" said one of the students
"Exactly!" said the professor.
Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep..
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
So, when you leave office today,
Remember to
' PUT THE GLASS DOWN ! '
Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students
"How much do you think this glass weighs?"
'50gms!' ..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.
"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is:
What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"
'Nothing' ..the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student
"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"
"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!"
.. ventured another student & all the students laughed
"Very good.
But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?"
asked the professor.
'No'. Was the answer.
"Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?"
The students were puzzled.
"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again.
"Put the glass down!" said one of the students
"Exactly!" said the professor.
Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep..
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
So, when you leave office today,
Remember to
' PUT THE GLASS DOWN ! '
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Violinist in the Metro
This is an incredible story. It is a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people.
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning.
He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace.
He collected $32.
When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it.
No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.
Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning.
He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace.
He collected $32.
When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it.
No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.
Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A different look at recession..
Money has no memory. Experience has. You will never know what the total cost of your education was, but for a lifetime you will recall and relive the memories of schools and colleges. Few years from now, you will forget the amount you paid to settle the hospitalization bill, but will ever cherish having saved your mother's life or the life you get to live with the just born. You won't remember the cost of your honeymoon, but to the last breath remember the experiences of the bliss of togetherness. Money has no memory.. Experience has.
Good times and bad times, times of prosperity and times of poverty, times when the future looked so secure and times when you didn't know from where the tomorrow will come… life has been in one way or the other a roller-coaster ride for everyone. Beyond all that abundance and beyond all that deprivation, what remains is the memory of experiences. Sometimes the wallet was full… sometimes even the pocket was empty. There was enough and you still had reasons to frown. There wasn't enough and you still had reasons to smile. Today, you can look back with tears of gratitude for all the times you had laughed together, and also look back with a smile at all the times you cried alone. All in all, life filled you with experiences to create a history of your own self, and you alone can remember them all.
The first time you balanced yourself on your cycle without support…
The first time she said 'yes' and it was two years since you proposed…
The first cry… the first steps… the first word… the first kiss… all of your child…
The first gift you bought for your parents and the first gift your daughter gave you…
The first award… the first public appreciation… the first stage performance…
And the list is endless… Experiences, with timeless memory…
No denying that anything that's material cost money, but the fact remains the cost of the experience will be forgotten, but the experience never.
So, what if it's economic recession? Let it be, but let there not be a recession to the quality of your life. You can still take your parents, if not on a pilgrimage, at least to the local temple. You can still play with your children, if not on an international holiday, at least in the local park. It doesn't cost money to lie down or to take a loved one onto your lap. Nice time to train the employees, create leadership availability and be ready for the wonderful times when they arrive. Hey! Aspects like your health, knowledge development and spiritual growth are not economy dependent.
Time will pass… economy will revive… currency will soon be in current… and in all this, we don't want look back and realize we did nothing but stayed in gloom. Recession can make you lose out on money. Let it not make you lose out on experiences… If you are not happy with what you have, no matter how much more you have, you will still not be happy.
Make a statement with the way you live your life: How I feel has nothing to do with how much I have.
Good times and bad times, times of prosperity and times of poverty, times when the future looked so secure and times when you didn't know from where the tomorrow will come… life has been in one way or the other a roller-coaster ride for everyone. Beyond all that abundance and beyond all that deprivation, what remains is the memory of experiences. Sometimes the wallet was full… sometimes even the pocket was empty. There was enough and you still had reasons to frown. There wasn't enough and you still had reasons to smile. Today, you can look back with tears of gratitude for all the times you had laughed together, and also look back with a smile at all the times you cried alone. All in all, life filled you with experiences to create a history of your own self, and you alone can remember them all.
The first time you balanced yourself on your cycle without support…
The first time she said 'yes' and it was two years since you proposed…
The first cry… the first steps… the first word… the first kiss… all of your child…
The first gift you bought for your parents and the first gift your daughter gave you…
The first award… the first public appreciation… the first stage performance…
And the list is endless… Experiences, with timeless memory…
No denying that anything that's material cost money, but the fact remains the cost of the experience will be forgotten, but the experience never.
So, what if it's economic recession? Let it be, but let there not be a recession to the quality of your life. You can still take your parents, if not on a pilgrimage, at least to the local temple. You can still play with your children, if not on an international holiday, at least in the local park. It doesn't cost money to lie down or to take a loved one onto your lap. Nice time to train the employees, create leadership availability and be ready for the wonderful times when they arrive. Hey! Aspects like your health, knowledge development and spiritual growth are not economy dependent.
Time will pass… economy will revive… currency will soon be in current… and in all this, we don't want look back and realize we did nothing but stayed in gloom. Recession can make you lose out on money. Let it not make you lose out on experiences… If you are not happy with what you have, no matter how much more you have, you will still not be happy.
Make a statement with the way you live your life: How I feel has nothing to do with how much I have.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
INDIAN IN INDIA
* AN AMERICAN VISITED INDIA AND WENT BACK TO AMERICA WHERE HE MET HIS INDIAN FRIEND WHO ASKED HIM. HOW DID YOU FIND MY COUNTRY?
* THE AMERICAN SAID IT IS A GREAT COUNTRY WITH SOLID ANCIENT HISTORY AND IMMENSELY RICH WITH NATURAL RESOURCES.
* THE INDIAN FRIEND THEN ASKED "HOW DID YOU FIND MY DEAR FELLOW INDIANS?
* INDIANS?? WHO INDIANS? WHICH INDIANS?
* I DIDN'T FIND OR MEET A SINGLE INDIAN THERE IN INDIA.
* Friend said "WHAT NONSENSE? WHO ELSE CAN YOU MEET IN INDIA THEN?
* THE AMERICAN SAID, IN KASHMIR I MET A KASHMIRI, IN PUNJAB A PUNJABI, IN BIHAR, I MET BIHARI, IN MAHARASTRA, I MET MAHARASHITRAN, IN RAJASTHAN I MET MARWADI & RAJPUT, IN BENGAL, I MET BENGALI, IN TAMILNADU, I MET TAMILIANS. THEN I MET A MUSLIM, A HINDU, A CHRISTIAN, A JAIN, A BUDDHIST AND MANY MANY MORE. I MET BRAMHINS, I MET HARIJAN, I MET KSHATRIYA, I MET MARATHA'S, I MET DALIT'S, I MET WANI, I MET KUNBI, I MET VANJARI AND MANY ONES ACROSS INDIA.BUT DEAR, NOT A SINGLE INDIAN.
THINK HOW SERIOUS THIS JOKE IS ABOUT INDIA AND ABOUT US?
Days are not far, WHEN INDEED WE WOULD BECOME A COLLECTION OF NATION STATES AS SOME REGIONAL ANTI-NATIONAL; THE WAY CURRENT POLITICIANS + POLITICAL PARTIES WANT.
LET'S TOGETHER FIGHT BACK.
ALWAYS SAY I AM INDIAN, than saying i am Maharashtrian, i am Tamilian, i am Malayali, i am Bihari, i am Gujarathi, i am Marwadi, i am Punjabi, i am Jat, i am Bengali & so on.
Just think of it.
JAI HIND
* THE AMERICAN SAID IT IS A GREAT COUNTRY WITH SOLID ANCIENT HISTORY AND IMMENSELY RICH WITH NATURAL RESOURCES.
* THE INDIAN FRIEND THEN ASKED "HOW DID YOU FIND MY DEAR FELLOW INDIANS?
* INDIANS?? WHO INDIANS? WHICH INDIANS?
* I DIDN'T FIND OR MEET A SINGLE INDIAN THERE IN INDIA.
* Friend said "WHAT NONSENSE? WHO ELSE CAN YOU MEET IN INDIA THEN?
* THE AMERICAN SAID, IN KASHMIR I MET A KASHMIRI, IN PUNJAB A PUNJABI, IN BIHAR, I MET BIHARI, IN MAHARASTRA, I MET MAHARASHITRAN, IN RAJASTHAN I MET MARWADI & RAJPUT, IN BENGAL, I MET BENGALI, IN TAMILNADU, I MET TAMILIANS. THEN I MET A MUSLIM, A HINDU, A CHRISTIAN, A JAIN, A BUDDHIST AND MANY MANY MORE. I MET BRAMHINS, I MET HARIJAN, I MET KSHATRIYA, I MET MARATHA'S, I MET DALIT'S, I MET WANI, I MET KUNBI, I MET VANJARI AND MANY ONES ACROSS INDIA.BUT DEAR, NOT A SINGLE INDIAN.
THINK HOW SERIOUS THIS JOKE IS ABOUT INDIA AND ABOUT US?
Days are not far, WHEN INDEED WE WOULD BECOME A COLLECTION OF NATION STATES AS SOME REGIONAL ANTI-NATIONAL; THE WAY CURRENT POLITICIANS + POLITICAL PARTIES WANT.
LET'S TOGETHER FIGHT BACK.
ALWAYS SAY I AM INDIAN, than saying i am Maharashtrian, i am Tamilian, i am Malayali, i am Bihari, i am Gujarathi, i am Marwadi, i am Punjabi, i am Jat, i am Bengali & so on.
Just think of it.
JAI HIND
Our Indians' Money - 70,00,000 Crores Rupees In Swiss Bank
Dear All,
1)Yes, 70 lakhs crores rupees of India are lying in Switzerland banks. This is the highest amount lying outside any country, from amongst 180 countries of the world, as if India is the champion of Black Money.
2)Swiss Government has officially written to Indian Government that they (Swiss Government) are willing to inform the details of holders of 70 lakh crore rupees in their Banks, if Indian Government officially asks them..
3)On 22-5-08, this news has already been published in The Times of India and other Newspapers based on Swiss Government's official letter to Indian Government.
4)But the Indian Government has not sent any official enquiry to Swiss for details of money which has been sent outside India between 1947 to 2008. The opposition party is also equally not interested in doing so because most of the amount is owned by politicians and it is every Indian's money.
5)This money belongs to our country. From these funds we can repay 13 times of our country's foreign debt. The interest alone can take care of the Centre's yearly budget. People need not pay any taxes and we can pay Rs. 1 lakh to each of 45 crore poor families.
6)Let us imagine, if Swiss Bank is holding Rs. 70 lakh crores, then how much money is lying in other 69 Banks? How much they have deprived the Indian people? Just think, if the Account holder dies, the bank becomes the owner of the funds in his account.
7)Are these people totally ignorant about the philosophy of Karma ? What will this ill-gotten wealth do to them and their families when they own/use such money, generated out of corruption and exploitation?
8)Indian people have read and have known about these facts. But the helpless people have neither time nor inclination to do anything in the matter. This is like "a new freedom struggle" and we will have to fight this.
9)This money is the result of our sweat and blood. The wealth generated and earned after putting in lots of mental and physical efforts by Indian people must be brought back to our country.
10)As a service to our motherland and you contribution to this struggle, please circulate at least 10 copies of this note amongst your friends and relatives and convert it into a mass movement.
1)Yes, 70 lakhs crores rupees of India are lying in Switzerland banks. This is the highest amount lying outside any country, from amongst 180 countries of the world, as if India is the champion of Black Money.
2)Swiss Government has officially written to Indian Government that they (Swiss Government) are willing to inform the details of holders of 70 lakh crore rupees in their Banks, if Indian Government officially asks them..
3)On 22-5-08, this news has already been published in The Times of India and other Newspapers based on Swiss Government's official letter to Indian Government.
4)But the Indian Government has not sent any official enquiry to Swiss for details of money which has been sent outside India between 1947 to 2008. The opposition party is also equally not interested in doing so because most of the amount is owned by politicians and it is every Indian's money.
5)This money belongs to our country. From these funds we can repay 13 times of our country's foreign debt. The interest alone can take care of the Centre's yearly budget. People need not pay any taxes and we can pay Rs. 1 lakh to each of 45 crore poor families.
6)Let us imagine, if Swiss Bank is holding Rs. 70 lakh crores, then how much money is lying in other 69 Banks? How much they have deprived the Indian people? Just think, if the Account holder dies, the bank becomes the owner of the funds in his account.
7)Are these people totally ignorant about the philosophy of Karma ? What will this ill-gotten wealth do to them and their families when they own/use such money, generated out of corruption and exploitation?
8)Indian people have read and have known about these facts. But the helpless people have neither time nor inclination to do anything in the matter. This is like "a new freedom struggle" and we will have to fight this.
9)This money is the result of our sweat and blood. The wealth generated and earned after putting in lots of mental and physical efforts by Indian people must be brought back to our country.
10)As a service to our motherland and you contribution to this struggle, please circulate at least 10 copies of this note amongst your friends and relatives and convert it into a mass movement.
Friday, April 10, 2009
What woment want..
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouds above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.Take a little more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.Take a little more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Women's products...
Use of sanitary for more than 3 hours can cause cervical cancer &
bacteria infection.
FOR THOSE OF US WHO USE SANITARY NAPKINS/PADS:
IF u ever wondered what were the ingredients that made popular
brands so 'free' and light and carefree', well here's the bit:
The material that makes the pad so paper THIN, is cellulose gel.
YEP,it's not even cotton!!!!!!
DO NOT wear the same pad for more than 3 hours of a maximum!!!
After this duration, the genital area is prone to bacterial action
and may result in cervical cancer or other complications!!!!!!!!
REMEMBER! NEVER NEVER NEVER WEAR THE SAME PAD FOR MORE THAN 3 HOURS!!!!
SO yes, please pass on this message to as many women as possible
and save lives!!!!!!!!!!
Check the labels of the sanitary pads or tampons that you are
going to buy the next time and see whether you spot any of the
familiar signs stated.
No wonder so many women in the world suffer from cervical
cancer and womb tumors. Have you heard that tampon makers
include asbestos in tampons? Why would they do this?
Because asbestos makes you bleed more, if you bleed more,
you're going to need to use more. Why isn't this against
the law since asbestos is so dangerous? Because the powers
that be, in all their wisdom (not), did not consider tampons
as being ingested, and, therefore, didn't consider them illegal
or dangerous.
Essence magazine has small article about this and they mention
two manufacturers of a cotton tampon alternative. The companies
are:
Organic Essentials @1-800) 765-6491
and Terra Femme @(800)755-0212.
A woman getting her Ph.D. at University of Colorado at Boulder
sent the following: 'I am writing this because women are not
being informed about the dangers of something most of us use:
tampons. I am taking a class this month and I have been
learning a lot about biology and women, including much about
feminine hygiene. Recently we have learned that tampons are
actually dangerous (for other reasons than TSS).
I'll tell you this - after learning about this in our class,
most of the females wound up feeling angry and upset with the
tampon industry, and I for one, am going to do something about
it To start, I want to inform everyone I can, and this is the
fastest way that I know how!
HERE ! IS THE SCOOP:
Tampons contain two things that are potentially harmful:
Rayon (for absorbency), and dioxin (a chemical used in bleaching
the products). The tampon industry is convinced that we,
as women, need bleached white products in order to view the
product as pure and clean. The problem here is that the dioxin,
which is produced in this bleaching process can lead to very
harmful problems for a woman. Dioxin is potentially carcinogenic
cancer-associated)and is toxic to the immune and reproductive
systems. It has also been linked to endometriosis and lower sperm
counts for men. For both sexes,it breaks down the immune system.
Last September, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)
reported that there really is no set 'acceptable' level of
exposure to dioxin given that it is cumulative and slow to
disintegrate.
The real danger comes from repeated contact Karen Couppert
'Pulling the Plug on the Tampon Industry'). I'd say using about
4-5 tampons a day, five days a month, for 38 menstruating years
is 'repeated contact', wouldn't you? Rayon contributes to the
danger of tampons and dioxin because it is a highly absorbent
substance. Therefore, when fibers from the tampons are left
behind in the vagina (as usually occurs), it creates a breeding
ground for the dioxin. It also stays in a lot longer than it would
with just cotton tampons. This is also the reason why TSS
toxic shock syndrome)occurs.
WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES?
Using feminine hygiene products that aren't bleached and that
are all cotton. Other feminine hygiene products(pads/napkins)
contain dioxin as well, but they are not nearly as dangerous
since they are not in direct contact with the vagina.
The pads/napkins need to stop being bleached, but, obviously,
tampons are the most dangerous.
So, what can you do if you can't give up using tampons?
Use tampons that are made from 100% cotton, and that are UNBLEACHED.
Unfortunately, there are very few companies that make these
safe tampons. They are usually only found in health food stores.
Countries all over the world ( Sweden , Germany , British
Columbia,etc.)have demanded a switch to this safer tampon, while
the U.S. has decided to keep us in the dark about it. In 1989,
Activists in England mounted a campaign against chlorine
bleaching.Six weeks and 50,000 letters later, the makers of
sanitary products switched to oxygen bleaching (one of the
green methods available) MS magazine, May/June 1995).
WHAT TO DO NOW:
Tell people. Everyone. Inform them. We are being manipulated
by this industry and the government,let's do something about it!
Please write to the companies: Tampax(Tambrands), Playtex, O.B.,
Kotex. Call the 800 numbers listed on the boxes. Let them know
that we demand a safe product
ALL COTTON UNBLEACHED TAMPONS.
bacteria infection.
FOR THOSE OF US WHO USE SANITARY NAPKINS/PADS:
IF u ever wondered what were the ingredients that made popular
brands so 'free' and light and carefree', well here's the bit:
The material that makes the pad so paper THIN, is cellulose gel.
YEP,it's not even cotton!!!!!!
DO NOT wear the same pad for more than 3 hours of a maximum!!!
After this duration, the genital area is prone to bacterial action
and may result in cervical cancer or other complications!!!!!!!!
REMEMBER! NEVER NEVER NEVER WEAR THE SAME PAD FOR MORE THAN 3 HOURS!!!!
SO yes, please pass on this message to as many women as possible
and save lives!!!!!!!!!!
Check the labels of the sanitary pads or tampons that you are
going to buy the next time and see whether you spot any of the
familiar signs stated.
No wonder so many women in the world suffer from cervical
cancer and womb tumors. Have you heard that tampon makers
include asbestos in tampons? Why would they do this?
Because asbestos makes you bleed more, if you bleed more,
you're going to need to use more. Why isn't this against
the law since asbestos is so dangerous? Because the powers
that be, in all their wisdom (not), did not consider tampons
as being ingested, and, therefore, didn't consider them illegal
or dangerous.
Essence magazine has small article about this and they mention
two manufacturers of a cotton tampon alternative. The companies
are:
Organic Essentials @1-800) 765-6491
and Terra Femme @(800)755-0212.
A woman getting her Ph.D. at University of Colorado at Boulder
sent the following: 'I am writing this because women are not
being informed about the dangers of something most of us use:
tampons. I am taking a class this month and I have been
learning a lot about biology and women, including much about
feminine hygiene. Recently we have learned that tampons are
actually dangerous (for other reasons than TSS).
I'll tell you this - after learning about this in our class,
most of the females wound up feeling angry and upset with the
tampon industry, and I for one, am going to do something about
it To start, I want to inform everyone I can, and this is the
fastest way that I know how!
HERE ! IS THE SCOOP:
Tampons contain two things that are potentially harmful:
Rayon (for absorbency), and dioxin (a chemical used in bleaching
the products). The tampon industry is convinced that we,
as women, need bleached white products in order to view the
product as pure and clean. The problem here is that the dioxin,
which is produced in this bleaching process can lead to very
harmful problems for a woman. Dioxin is potentially carcinogenic
cancer-associated)and is toxic to the immune and reproductive
systems. It has also been linked to endometriosis and lower sperm
counts for men. For both sexes,it breaks down the immune system.
Last September, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)
reported that there really is no set 'acceptable' level of
exposure to dioxin given that it is cumulative and slow to
disintegrate.
The real danger comes from repeated contact Karen Couppert
'Pulling the Plug on the Tampon Industry'). I'd say using about
4-5 tampons a day, five days a month, for 38 menstruating years
is 'repeated contact', wouldn't you? Rayon contributes to the
danger of tampons and dioxin because it is a highly absorbent
substance. Therefore, when fibers from the tampons are left
behind in the vagina (as usually occurs), it creates a breeding
ground for the dioxin. It also stays in a lot longer than it would
with just cotton tampons. This is also the reason why TSS
toxic shock syndrome)occurs.
WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES?
Using feminine hygiene products that aren't bleached and that
are all cotton. Other feminine hygiene products(pads/napkins)
contain dioxin as well, but they are not nearly as dangerous
since they are not in direct contact with the vagina.
The pads/napkins need to stop being bleached, but, obviously,
tampons are the most dangerous.
So, what can you do if you can't give up using tampons?
Use tampons that are made from 100% cotton, and that are UNBLEACHED.
Unfortunately, there are very few companies that make these
safe tampons. They are usually only found in health food stores.
Countries all over the world ( Sweden , Germany , British
Columbia,etc.)have demanded a switch to this safer tampon, while
the U.S. has decided to keep us in the dark about it. In 1989,
Activists in England mounted a campaign against chlorine
bleaching.Six weeks and 50,000 letters later, the makers of
sanitary products switched to oxygen bleaching (one of the
green methods available) MS magazine, May/June 1995).
WHAT TO DO NOW:
Tell people. Everyone. Inform them. We are being manipulated
by this industry and the government,let's do something about it!
Please write to the companies: Tampax(Tambrands), Playtex, O.B.,
Kotex. Call the 800 numbers listed on the boxes. Let them know
that we demand a safe product
ALL COTTON UNBLEACHED TAMPONS.
Attempts At Sex.. Hilarious!
To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
We will wake the kids - 54 times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??
Love, Your Hubby
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your Wife
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
We will wake the kids - 54 times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??
Love, Your Hubby
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your Wife
The perils of having a precocious child!
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and
does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are
in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.People
often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old.
And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always
fully cranked.There have been several embarrassing times that I've
wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a
not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than
last week at Costco.
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade
with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the
restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming
from the second to the last stall:
"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet
paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet
paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go
stinkies on the potty?"
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been
in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full...4? 5?
Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my
debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued:
''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl,
Mommy!Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the
potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying
to see In dere. Oh! I see dem.Dat is a very good girl, Mommy.
You are gonna get some candy!''
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side
of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief.
This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a
long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why
don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some
candy. We'll both have some!''
''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies....Oh! Mommy!''
He started to gag at this point.
''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze
stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall..
I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject.
I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets.
If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who
overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
''Mommy! Would you get off the potty,now?I want you to be done
going stinkies! Get up! Get up!''
He grunted as he tried to pull me off Now I could hear full-blown
laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.
''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da
door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's
feet?''
More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess
the situation.
''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out
now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door.''Mommy, don't you
want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''
I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly
opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to
thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting
to applaud..
My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought,
where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed
away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy
gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his
chubby little hands,I thought,I'd sign it all away again, just to
be known as Mommy to this little fellow..
(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She
lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan, where she no
longer uses public restrooms)
By Shannon Popkin
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and
does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are
in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.People
often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old.
And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always
fully cranked.There have been several embarrassing times that I've
wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a
not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than
last week at Costco.
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade
with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the
restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming
from the second to the last stall:
"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet
paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet
paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go
stinkies on the potty?"
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been
in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full...4? 5?
Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my
debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued:
''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl,
Mommy!Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the
potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying
to see In dere. Oh! I see dem.Dat is a very good girl, Mommy.
You are gonna get some candy!''
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side
of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief.
This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a
long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why
don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some
candy. We'll both have some!''
''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies....Oh! Mommy!''
He started to gag at this point.
''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze
stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall..
I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject.
I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets.
If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who
overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
''Mommy! Would you get off the potty,now?I want you to be done
going stinkies! Get up! Get up!''
He grunted as he tried to pull me off Now I could hear full-blown
laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.
''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da
door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's
feet?''
More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess
the situation.
''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out
now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door.''Mommy, don't you
want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''
I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly
opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to
thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting
to applaud..
My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought,
where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed
away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy
gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his
chubby little hands,I thought,I'd sign it all away again, just to
be known as Mommy to this little fellow..
(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She
lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan, where she no
longer uses public restrooms)
Motherhood: Changes with each Baby...
Your Clothes
-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.
Preparing for the Birth
-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
-2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color- coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
-1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Activities
-1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
-2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
-3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out
-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.
Preparing for the Birth
-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
-2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color- coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
-1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Activities
-1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
-2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
-3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out
-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
On Recession - wonderful message!!
What is recession?
This Story is about a man who once upon a time was selling Hotdogs by the roadside.
He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers.
He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio.
His eyes were weak, so he never watched television.
But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hotdogs.
He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales.
His sales and profit went up.
He ordered more a more raw material and buns and use to sell more.
He recruited few more supporting staff to serve more customers.
He started offering home deliveries. Eventually he got himself a bigger and better stove.
As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from College, joined his father.
Then something strange happened....
The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?"
The father replied, "No, but tell me about it." The son said, "The international situation is terrible.
The domestic situation is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad times."
The man thought that since his son had been to college, read the papers, listened to the radio and watched TV.
He ought to know and his advice should not be taken lightly.
So the next day onwards, the father cut down the his raw material order and buns, took down the colourful signboard,
removed all the special schemes he was offering to the customers and was no longer as enthusiastic.
He reduced his staff strength by giving layoffs.
Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his hotdog stand.
And his sales started coming down rapidly, same is the profit.
The father said to his son, "Son, you were right".
"We are in the middle of a recession and crisis. I am glad you warned me ahead of time."
Moral of The Story: It's all in your MIND! And we actually FUEL this recession much more than we think we do!!!!!!!!!!!!
This Story is about a man who once upon a time was selling Hotdogs by the roadside.
He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers.
He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio.
His eyes were weak, so he never watched television.
But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hotdogs.
He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales.
His sales and profit went up.
He ordered more a more raw material and buns and use to sell more.
He recruited few more supporting staff to serve more customers.
He started offering home deliveries. Eventually he got himself a bigger and better stove.
As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from College, joined his father.
Then something strange happened....
The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?"
The father replied, "No, but tell me about it." The son said, "The international situation is terrible.
The domestic situation is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad times."
The man thought that since his son had been to college, read the papers, listened to the radio and watched TV.
He ought to know and his advice should not be taken lightly.
So the next day onwards, the father cut down the his raw material order and buns, took down the colourful signboard,
removed all the special schemes he was offering to the customers and was no longer as enthusiastic.
He reduced his staff strength by giving layoffs.
Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his hotdog stand.
And his sales started coming down rapidly, same is the profit.
The father said to his son, "Son, you were right".
"We are in the middle of a recession and crisis. I am glad you warned me ahead of time."
Moral of The Story: It's all in your MIND! And we actually FUEL this recession much more than we think we do!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Picture speaks...
Resimay
To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,
Pepole really seam to respond
to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth, I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
BRYAN
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - here is a pickture of me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Employer's response:
Dear Bryan ,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check.
See you Monday.
On Politicians...
"One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning
there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his
door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut,and when he
tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and
leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card
and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'
Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week..' The Member of Parliament is very happy and leaves the shop...
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the Members of Parliament"
After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning
there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his
door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut,and when he
tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and
leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card
and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'
Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week..' The Member of Parliament is very happy and leaves the shop...
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the Members of Parliament"
Friday, February 20, 2009
God's Pharmacy
This is absolutely amazing - and makes perfect sense!
A friend sent this to me. It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... all before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
God's Pharmacy! Amazing!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums.. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries
Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
A friend sent this to me. It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... all before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
God's Pharmacy! Amazing!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums.. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries
Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
Seven Menopausal Dwarfs...
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day
BREAKFAST
1 Grapefruit
1 slice wholemeal toast
1 cup skimmed milk
LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 biscuit
AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the biscuits from the packet
1 tub of Gino Ginelli ice cream with chocolate topping
DINNER
4 bottles of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size Supreme pizza
3 chocolate bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
REMEMBER :
'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts'
Send this to four women and you will lose two kilograms
Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew) and you will lose 10 kgs
IF you delete this message you will gain 10 kgs
Finally, here's some advice for you:
Dr. Neil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.......
So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished; and, before
leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonay , a bole of Baileys, a butle of Kehuha, a pockage of biscuits , the mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke, some saltins an a bax a cholates..
Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Process!!!
The diagram demonstrates the process in a female and male brain during the simple question: "Shall we go for a drink?" ;-))
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A 2 Z !!
We all must have heard of ABCD - American Born Confused Desi......
But How about an ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ? -
American Born Confused Desi, Emigrated From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey,
Keeping Lotsa Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly Reached Success
Through Underhanded Vicious Ways, Xenophobic Yet Zestful.
But How about an ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ? -
American Born Confused Desi, Emigrated From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey,
Keeping Lotsa Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly Reached Success
Through Underhanded Vicious Ways, Xenophobic Yet Zestful.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A Strong thought...
Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. The soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out to bring his fallen comrade back. "You can go," said the Lieutenant, "but I don't think it will be worth it. Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away."
The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway. Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench. The officer checked the wounded soldier, and then looked kindly at his friend.
"I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded." "It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier.
"What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant. "Your friend is dead."
"Yes Sir," the soldier answered, " but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say...."Jim...I knew you'd come."
Many a time in our lives, whether a thing is worth doing or not really depends on how you look at it. Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life........ Make it a great week ahead!!!
The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway. Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench. The officer checked the wounded soldier, and then looked kindly at his friend.
"I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded." "It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier.
"What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant. "Your friend is dead."
"Yes Sir," the soldier answered, " but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say...."Jim...I knew you'd come."
Many a time in our lives, whether a thing is worth doing or not really depends on how you look at it. Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life........ Make it a great week ahead!!!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Girlfriends....
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,drinking iced tea and visiting her Mother.As they talked about life,about marriage, about the responsibilities of
life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her
glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.
Don't forget your girlfriends," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to
the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older.
No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the
children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends.
Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And
remember that "girlfriends" are not only your friends, but your sisters,
your daughters, and other relatives too. You'll need other women. Women
always do. What a funny piece of advice,' the young woman thought.
'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world?
I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake, a grownup, not a young girl
who needs girlfriends! Surely my husband and the family we'll start will
be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with her girlfriends
and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she
gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking
about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a
woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life.
After 50 years of living in this world, here is what I know about
girlfriends:
Girlfriends bring you chicken curry when you need help.
Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.
Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it.
Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.
Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right,but they're usually honest.
Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.
Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the
laughter.
Girlfriends pull you out of jams.
Girlfriends help you get out of bad relationships.
Girlfriends help you look for a new apartment, help you pack,
and help you move.
Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married
or have a baby, in whichever order that comes!
Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.
Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.
Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.
Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.
Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.
Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.
Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out
and kill what makes you unhappy.
Times passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Jobs come and go.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favours.
Men don't call when they say they will.
BUT girlfriends are there,no matter how much time and how many miles are
between you.
A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her
glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.
Don't forget your girlfriends," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to
the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older.
No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the
children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends.
Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And
remember that "girlfriends" are not only your friends, but your sisters,
your daughters, and other relatives too. You'll need other women. Women
always do. What a funny piece of advice,' the young woman thought.
'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world?
I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake, a grownup, not a young girl
who needs girlfriends! Surely my husband and the family we'll start will
be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with her girlfriends
and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she
gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking
about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a
woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life.
After 50 years of living in this world, here is what I know about
girlfriends:
Girlfriends bring you chicken curry when you need help.
Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.
Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it.
Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.
Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right,but they're usually honest.
Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.
Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the
laughter.
Girlfriends pull you out of jams.
Girlfriends help you get out of bad relationships.
Girlfriends help you look for a new apartment, help you pack,
and help you move.
Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married
or have a baby, in whichever order that comes!
Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.
Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.
Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.
Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.
Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.
Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.
Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out
and kill what makes you unhappy.
Times passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Jobs come and go.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favours.
Men don't call when they say they will.
BUT girlfriends are there,no matter how much time and how many miles are
between you.
A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
THE BRICK
A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.
As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting,
"What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"
The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded.
"I threw the brick because no one else would stop...." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message:
"Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!"
God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.
Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!
As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting,
"What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"
The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded.
"I threw the brick because no one else would stop...." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message:
"Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!"
God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.
Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!
SPRING CLASSES FOR MEN...
SPRING CLASSES FOR MEN AT
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY MAY 31, 2006
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY MAY 31, 2006
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors
On Blondes....
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip.The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. the brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...
"YEAH,BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!!
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. the brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...
"YEAH,BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!!
Marriage - Part 1 to Part 5
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ........ whether you're here or not."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever " "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
**************************************
Marriage (Part V)
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ........ whether you're here or not."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever " "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
**************************************
Marriage (Part V)
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
THE ITALIAN TOMATO GARDEN
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato
garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son,
Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be
happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug
up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances..
Love you, Vinnie...... ....
garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son,
Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be
happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug
up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances..
Love you, Vinnie...... ....
Come & get me!
Isaac and Sarah got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, Sarah immediately telephoned her mother Leah.
"Well," said Leah, "how was the honeymoon,darling?"
"Oh mum," Sarah replied, "the honeymoon was fantastic. It was so romantic, and ..and..."
Then Sarah started to cry. "Oh mum, as soon as we got back, Isaac started using terrible language. He said things I'd never hoped to hear, all those 4-letter words. Please mum, get into your car now and come and take me home."
"Calm down, darling," said Leah, "tell your mother what could be that awful. Don't be shy, tell me what 4-letter words Isaac used."
"Please mum, I'm too embarrassed to tell you, they're terrible words. Just come and take me away." said Sarah.
"But bubeleh, you must tell me, you must tell me what the 4-letter words were."
Still crying, Sarah replies, "Oh mum, he used words like -
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
WASH, COOK, IRON, DUST, ..."
When they got back, Sarah immediately telephoned her mother Leah.
"Well," said Leah, "how was the honeymoon,darling?"
"Oh mum," Sarah replied, "the honeymoon was fantastic. It was so romantic, and ..and..."
Then Sarah started to cry. "Oh mum, as soon as we got back, Isaac started using terrible language. He said things I'd never hoped to hear, all those 4-letter words. Please mum, get into your car now and come and take me home."
"Calm down, darling," said Leah, "tell your mother what could be that awful. Don't be shy, tell me what 4-letter words Isaac used."
"Please mum, I'm too embarrassed to tell you, they're terrible words. Just come and take me away." said Sarah.
"But bubeleh, you must tell me, you must tell me what the 4-letter words were."
Still crying, Sarah replies, "Oh mum, he used words like -
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
WASH, COOK, IRON, DUST, ..."
Contrary Proverbs
Contrary Proverbs
All good things come to those who wait.
BUT
Time and tide wait for no man.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.
Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.
The best things in life are free .
BUT
There's no such thing as a free lunch .
Slow and steady wins the race .
BUT
Time waits for no man .
Look before you leap .
BUT
Strike while the iron is hot .
Do it well, or not at all.
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.
Birds of a feather flock together.
BUT
Opposites attract.
Don't cross your bridges before you come to them.
BUT
Forewarned is forearmed.
Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
BUT
Faith will move mountains.
Great starts make great finishes.
BUT
It ain't over 'till it's over.
Practice makes perfect.
BUT
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Silence is golden.
BUT
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
You're never too old to learn.
BUT
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
BUT
One man's meat is another man's poison.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
BUT
Out of sight, out of mind.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.
BUT
Many hands make light work.
Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.
All good things come to those who wait.
BUT
Time and tide wait for no man.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.
Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.
The best things in life are free .
BUT
There's no such thing as a free lunch .
Slow and steady wins the race .
BUT
Time waits for no man .
Look before you leap .
BUT
Strike while the iron is hot .
Do it well, or not at all.
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.
Birds of a feather flock together.
BUT
Opposites attract.
Don't cross your bridges before you come to them.
BUT
Forewarned is forearmed.
Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
BUT
Faith will move mountains.
Great starts make great finishes.
BUT
It ain't over 'till it's over.
Practice makes perfect.
BUT
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Silence is golden.
BUT
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
You're never too old to learn.
BUT
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
BUT
One man's meat is another man's poison.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
BUT
Out of sight, out of mind.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.
BUT
Many hands make light work.
Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.
Awsome Astronomy
Most of us have an idea of the relative size of the planets and sun,
but it's rather dazzling to see it presented this way.
Anteres is the 15th biggest star in the sky.
It is more than 1000 light years away.
Yet admidst all this, God knows when each sparrow falls. He cares about our smallest problem, our biggest hurt, our every joy. But we need to see our lives and ourselves in perspective. We aren't the center of the universe, GOD is. We don't own our next breath. GOD does.
Humbling isn't it?
but it's rather dazzling to see it presented this way.
Anteres is the 15th biggest star in the sky.
It is more than 1000 light years away.
Yet admidst all this, God knows when each sparrow falls. He cares about our smallest problem, our biggest hurt, our every joy. But we need to see our lives and ourselves in perspective. We aren't the center of the universe, GOD is. We don't own our next breath. GOD does.
Humbling isn't it?
Taxes! Funny one...
A little boy wanted Rs.500 very badly and prayed for weeks, But nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write a letter to GOD requesting the Rs.500 .
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to "God, India",
they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of India as a joke.
The Finance Minister was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy
Rs.200.
The Finance Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money
to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.200, and decided to write a
thanking reply note to God, which reads:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I
noticed that you sent it through the Finance Ministry in New Delhi, and
those donkeys deducted
Rs.300 as taxes!
Finally he decided to write a letter to GOD requesting the Rs.500 .
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to "God, India",
they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of India as a joke.
The Finance Minister was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy
Rs.200.
The Finance Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money
to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.200, and decided to write a
thanking reply note to God, which reads:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I
noticed that you sent it through the Finance Ministry in New Delhi, and
those donkeys deducted
Rs.300 as taxes!
Never miss first opportunity . .
A young man wished to marry the farmer's beautiful daughter. He went to the farmer to ask his permission. The farmer looked him over and said, "Son, go stand out in that field. I'm going to release three bulls, one at a time. If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls, you can marry my daughter."
The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the first bull. The barn door opened and out ran the biggest, meanest-looking bull he had ever seen. He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the side and let the bull pass through the pasture out the back gate. The barn door opened again.
Unbelievable. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life.
It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him.
Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than this one. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through the pasture, out the back gate.
The door opened a third time. A smile came across his face. This was the weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen. This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned himself just right and jumped at just the exact moment. He grabbed... but the bull had no tail!
Life is full of opportunities. Some will be easy to take advantage of, some will be difficult. But once we let them pass (often in hopes of something better), those opportunities may never again be available. So always grab the first opportunity . . .
The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the first bull. The barn door opened and out ran the biggest, meanest-looking bull he had ever seen. He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the side and let the bull pass through the pasture out the back gate. The barn door opened again.
Unbelievable. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life.
It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him.
Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than this one. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through the pasture, out the back gate.
The door opened a third time. A smile came across his face. This was the weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen. This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned himself just right and jumped at just the exact moment. He grabbed... but the bull had no tail!
Life is full of opportunities. Some will be easy to take advantage of, some will be difficult. But once we let them pass (often in hopes of something better), those opportunities may never again be available. So always grab the first opportunity . . .
To all the guys who read this....please read fully and understand.. ...
To all the girls who read this...... An excellent forward..... .
This is a beautiful article:
The woman in your life...very well expressed...
Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.
Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as
you have because she is as human as you are;
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your
Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements
One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as
much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook
food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,
and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother,
a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as
to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important,
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some
and trust her;
One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.
But not many guys understand this......
Please appreciate "HER"
I hope you will do..
To all the girls who read this...... An excellent forward..... .
This is a beautiful article:
The woman in your life...very well expressed...
Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.
Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as
you have because she is as human as you are;
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your
Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements
One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as
much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook
food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,
and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother,
a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as
to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important,
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some
and trust her;
One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.
But not many guys understand this......
Please appreciate "HER"
I hope you will do..
Sunday, January 4, 2009
NINE WORDS / PHRASES WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid (if they remember the terminology).
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid (if they remember the terminology).
Wife Bashing!!!!
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!
image0088.gif
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!
image0088.gif
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Golden lining....
September 4th, 2008 – Clad in white, a dimunitive form, she sits quietly clinging to her wheelchair, in the bright cheerful living room, just staring at the television! Having lost control of pretty much everything-her life, her body, she is blissfully unaware that its her 90th Birthday..this is my Naani or Mamama as I call her! Some of her days go without uttering a word, but other days are like a Tsunami of high pitched expletives ,while many other days it's incessant chant of a single sentence! Rapidly drawn into the abyss of "Alzheimer's", perhaps fully aware and pleased, that she is surrounded by loving and caring people, her own children and grandchildren tending to her relentlessly, rather than being "taken care of" at an "old age home"! A 'Raaja Yoga' of sorts!
This is the very lady who was once famous in her native village in Kerala for singing a patriotic song, in the presence of Jawaharlal Nehru at a tender age. She didn't get to finish her 4th grade yet she could converse fluently and read in over 6 languages! Married off too young, a mother too soon and widowed too early, she waded through vagaries presented by the notorious Great Depression! I will always admire her 'SPINE' for single handedly bringing up her 6 kids and an adopted son! To add to this, she lovingly nurtured many a strays as pets, not thinking about costs even in difficult times!! She willingly traveled miles to buy provisions just because they were cheaper, stood in endless ration queues, hoarded up even the smallest of plastic or metal cans for the 'scrap value' and brought up an smart and educated brood worth being proud of!
She always encouraged her sons and daughters equally to pursue higher education, was very welcoming when her grandchildren adopted kids or married out of the cast, lives proudly with her daughters and not her sons… is this not a portrait of a modern woman!!
Let me not speak of her as if she doesn't exist anymore, she always will - even after she is gone! Because her next generations are here and flourishing, only because of her and her untiring attitude to sustain, rather than to merely exist! Thank you Mamama, for passing on the 'SPINE', which is far too valuable than any heirloom. More now than ever, to hold on to hopes and tide over present gloomy times!!
Friday, January 2, 2009
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